These Months Without You

My letters to you, that I'll never send.

4.

kamcakes:

“I’d cross my heart, but you have it.”

—

-My one and only.

This day last year I was coming home to you.

I would do anything and everything to have that back. 

That feeling of excitement.

Being loved what I thought was unconditionally.

But now I don’t know. 

I don’t know where we’ll be 1,2,3 months from now, let alone a year.

But I’d give anything to survive.

I’d give everything to come out on top.

to have you back.

I wish I was coming home to you. 

life: American troops in the Pacific bathe during a lull in the fighting on the island of Saipan, 1944. Wow, what a photograph — by none other than LIFE’s Peter Stackpole. (see more here)

life:

American troops in the Pacific bathe during a lull in the fighting on the island of Saipan, 1944.

Wow, what a photograph — by none other than LIFE’s Peter Stackpole.

(see more here)

Acceptance.

Well, that was short lived. Things are back to the way the were worse. I haven’t heard from you since Monday… Last Monday. I’ve tried texting you, but you wont acknowledge me. And thats what hurts the most. 

I really don’t understand, I thought things were going to get better for us. 

I think I messed up this time. I told you “I hate this. I hate how unhappy we both are. I hate this island. And I hate everything its done to our relationship.” I apologized but I don’t think it matters. My feelings are changing. Im angry that things have gotten this bad. Im angry that you let it get this way.

I’ve realized that I can’t fix it. Its something that we do together or not at all. And the part that tarrifies me, is that Im starting to not care like I used to. I now have the mind set of “You get what you give” and “If he doesn’t care why should I?” 

I know you care. Deep down I know you do. But were 15 days short of spending a year apart. I need you to show me or at least tell me. But you wont. You wont get a computer, you wont download stupid apps., you wont call, you wont even text me. 

So I think I have offically accepted defeat. We either survive (which I really hope we do) or we don’t. And I have numbed and prepared myself for the fall. 

At what point do I determine that this isn’t just a phase. Is this us? Is this the way our relationship will stay? Or will things go back to the way they should be the second you’re home? 

Im so confused. I want you and I to be happy. Preferably together, I just don’t know if thats an option anymore.

3.

  • While watching Battle LA
  • Him: Ok... Watch this part...You're not even paying attention....
  • Me: Pay attention to the Marines fighting aliens, or stick my tongue down the throat of the Marine in front of me....?
  • Him: You're right, I'll just fill you in on everything later.

When they say “You’re too young to know”

kamcakes:

When you’re 18 and in love, people say that you shouldn’t commit to that person just yet. They say you’re too young. You don’t know what you want yet. You will be a completely different person in 5 years let alone 50. You two might grow apart, blah blah blah. 

Yet at 18 we’re supposed to know what we want to be when we “grow up”. You’re supposed to go to the perfect school for your dream career. Graduate get a job and live happily ever after based off of this teenage dream. And if you don’t know what you want, you get concerned looks. 

If at 18 you tell me I might not be in love with the same person forever, who’s to say I’ll love that career path forever. These concepts contradict each other. 

Now Im 20. Still in love with the same man, but have yet to fall in love with a career. I’m perfectly content with that. I don’t think age has much to do with it. You’ll know when you find the perfect fit. And when you do, you’ll do what it takes to make it work. 

Roommates.

  • H: Hey, could we borrow a Will Ferrell movie?
  • Z: I don't know who that is.
  • H: You know... the guy in "Blades of Glory"?
  • Z: Oh... You mean Napoleon Dynamite? Here you go...
  • H: Yeah! Thanks.
  • What the hell did I just witness?

I’ve been compromised.

On my other blog I keep getting new followers that I don’t know but they know me.

I got 4 today. They are all girls who are in my brother and my boyfriend’s sister’s grade. Its kinda weird, they have crushes on both my brother and boyfriend, and are friends with boyfriend’s sister … If that all makes sense.

Now I cant post the personal funny things my brother says, out of fear it’ll get out. And when it comes to my boyfriend they think our relationship is a fairy tale, which is fine because they are high school girls and don’t know any better. But now I can’t vent. I don’t want those girls talking to his sister about our relationship, which is something they don’t understand. 

oh well. thats why I made this one.